Enough of the Shame!

  I have been reading it seems like for the last 7 years on the Internet about the Boobies VS Formula Grate Debate. When I was pregnant with #4 I started to fallow a lot of Mommy Blogs to get "in the know" about the newest products, feeding trends and birthing options. But what I found most of the time was JUDGEMENT, judgment on how another Mom chose to feed her infant and weather a certain Mommy blogger accepted "blood money" for advertising formula on her blog or from a company she writes for who allowes formula advertising on theirs. My first thought was REALLY!?! Who are you to tell another Mother what to feed her child? Or what is best for her or her child? And most importantly we are all MOTHERS, we know how hard it is and how much shame you already feel when your baby refuses to latch, or is still screaming for more milk after hours of nursing, or pumping for 30-45 minutes to come away with only a few drops. Then you turn to the Internet in search of help and this is what you find.? More Mothers SHAMING you because "everyone can breastfeed if they just tried".

Well you know what? I tried and I FAILED, 4 times!

I am going to tell you a little story about my Boobies

These are my boobies, all 42 DDD of nursing goodness, so you would think, or I at least thought. We have had some good times together. They have gotten me out of speeding tickets, into bars without waiting in line or having to pay a cover charge, and I am sure they are the reason my Husband married me. But OHHH, how they have betrayed me!

When I found out I was pregnant with #1 I thought I have this! Look at these things, I will be able to nurse without a problem! Then a mere 4 months after she was born they stopped working and my milk was dried up. I was sad, but I thought I can try again with the next one.

When #2 followed a short 11 months later I was determined to try again!! 6 months later after making it through exclusively pumping for the first 4 months, my milk dried up. This time it was a little harder. I was fed all the nursing propaganda with the blissful pictures of Mommy's nursing their 2 year old in the park and had thought that is going to be me! I am going to do it this time! And for the first time I felt shame for not being able to nurse my baby for a full year.

3 years later came #3. This time the propaganda was EVERYWHERE! In every magazine, website, blog... And I thought I have to do it this time! I have to! Everyone else can, why can't I? I bought every book on nursing, went to a few La Leach League meetings before I had him, had my midwife check them to make sure they were tuned up and ready, all lights were a go, there was no reason why I wouldn't be able to! After he was born I didn't let the nurses or pediatrician take him out of the room and had them do their exams in my room. I stayed 3 days in the hospital just to be sure we had latching down and my milk was in before we went home. Everything was perfect! Then 3 months into it it started to happen again! I went back to my midwife and asked for help, what was I doing wrong? NOTHING! I was doing nothing wrong. He prescribed me a medication to help increase my milk and told me to nurse or pump every 2 hours. I continued to do that for another 2 months. Until I was so depressed, and felt so much shame that I wasn't woman enough to nurse my baby that I needed to see a counselor. And when the first thing she told me was to quit, I about freaked out! How can she tell me that? But I did. I quit with a heavy heart and my head hung low, I did the walk of shame into the local Wal-Mart at 2 am so no one would see me buying poison for my baby.

2 years later I gave birth to #4, I had hope that maybe this time the stairs and planets will align and THIS time it will be my turn to make it a full year. It had to work! This could be my last chance! 2 weeks after he was born I had mastitis in both my breasts. I spent hours crying, not because my boobies were black and blue from the swelling or the fact it felt like someone was trying to pull my insides out through my nipples but because I had to nurse my baby! I had to make this work! But yet again after 5 months my milk started to dry up. I called a lactation consultant and she gave me a hole list of herbs to take.. Fenu Greek, Blessed Thistle, Brewers Yeast, Mothers Milk Tea, Probiotics, right after a feeding pump for 20 minutes, wake up every 2 hours at night to pump if the baby doesn't want to eat, use a assisted nursing system to help the baby latch longer to stimulate more milk production, go see your Dr. and get another prescription... I went around smelling like a herb garden and maple syrup with a bad taste in my mouth, a yeast infection, tubes taped to my boobs, raw nipples, and in serious need of a nap all to have the pediatrician tell me at 6 months my baby was failure to thrive and I was giving him formula. Now his failure to thrive wasn't all because I wasn't making enough milk, but hearing those words after doing everything you could is enough make you have a really CRAPPY week. I was ashamed to feed my baby a bottle in public. Every time I went to the store to buy formula other Mothers looked at me with so much judgement and with the doesn't she know breast is best look.? Or, OMG she is feeding her baby Formula! When I saw other mothers nursing their babies I would think, "why can't that be me?"

It took me a while to be able to hold my head high and now after everything I can look back and know I tried my best. And to tell you the truth if and/when I ever decide to have another baby I WILL NEVER put myself through any of that EVER again!


I have seen the shame in other mothers eyes who could not nurse for one reason or another. Listened when she told her story and herd the pain in her voice, and all I can think is why? Don't we as mothers and wife's have a hard enough time without this added pressure? I understand the need to get your message across, but FEAR, SHAME and JUDGEMENT should NOT be a advertising tool! Because all it says is you think women are to stupid and uneducated to be able to make the choice for ourselves so you have to scare us into making YOUR choice.

Yes, Breastfeeding is the best thing you can give your baby, but if you can't do it like the thousands of mother out there that can't either, IT"S OK! You showed up, gave it hell and tried your best, and that is ENOUGH! Don't hate yourself or your boobs! Don't feel shame because you couldn't do it a month, 6 months or a full year! Know that you did what you could and be OK with that! Display that can of formula proudly in your shopping cart, don't hide it behind your other groceries!

I think it's time woman speak up and said enough is enough! Brest is Best, but THANK GOD for Formula! And you are not going to make me feel inferior anymore! Just because I gave my babies formula doesn't mean I love them any less, it means I love them even more because I was willing to accept defeat and do what was right for them.

What is your nursing story? Or Formula feeding story?

Thais